12:    yea

12:    nay

2:     abstain

I should have said something.

On Thursday, Jan 27, I attended my first Student Senate meeting to request funding for a Black History Month event. Little did I know I was in for an evening filled with jarring debate and ultimately regret.

After attending to some old business, followed by a round of swift approval for several funding requests, we arrived at the title fight: Shabazz/Wright vs. Student Senate. Ms. Kierra Wright proceeded to make her case for not only bringing Attorney Malik Shabazz to campus but also why the event was worthy of senate funding, $2,000 to be exact, which would come from the students' activity fee.

Who is Malik Shabazz, you ask? In brief, his supporters would say that he is a graduate of The Howard University School of Law, and current chairman of the New Black Panther Party. His critics would go as far as labeling him as a racist and an anti-Semite. Google.

The controversial nature of this funding request soon became apparent, and in true Carnegie Mellon fashion, some senators made the most of the wireless network, surfing the web to find as much information about Attn. Shabazz as possible.    

The senatorial debate began on somewhat of a mild note. Questions were first posed to Ms. Wright regarding the content of Attn. Shabazz's lecture and whether or not he would incorporate his political views into what was to be a lecture on black history.    

Senators on both sides of the issue made interesting points as to why they would or would not approve the funding. One advocate professed how the university had supported bringing Michael Moore to campus despite his politically divisive views; certainly Shabazz should have the same opportunity. To counter, one opponent declared that Shabazz's breed of controversy was quite different from that of Michael Moore's; Moore rallies against Republican and far-right ideology where as Shabazz chooses to attack certain ethnic groups. While we can choose our political party, we cannot choose our ethnicity, culture, or heritage.  

Finally the vote came: a 50/50 split with two abstaining, and with that, Ms. Wright fell short of the three-fourths vote necessary to pass her request. I should have said something.  

A look back: my moment of self-reflection.

Do I personally support Attorney Shabazz's racially offensive remarks and anti-Zionist agenda?  

Absolutely not.

We speak so highly of celebrating our differences, what about our commonalities?

Even if there are many issues in which Attn. Shabazz and I would disagree, there are still others, such as social justice, in which we share a common perspective.  I'd argue that we can identify numerous similarities between ourselves and those we label as opposition. Our similarities are genuine and can be realized if we dare to do so. Thus, with regard to Attn. Shabazz, could some good come from attending his lecture?

Of course.

Am I curious as to why Attn. Shabazz is so passionate in his beliefs, and if the opportunity presented itself, would I want the chance to question him, attempt to understand his values and perhaps challenge my own?

Most definitely.

In hindsight, this line of questioning seemed reasonable, yet, on that night, it failed to move me to speak.  

Perhaps I thought some people would understand it, but there were enough that would not. Maybe that's why I didn't say anything. But there has to be more to this. What was I really worried about? Was it the fact that I did not have a right to speak because I, myself, was not a senator, nor was I the one presenting this request to Senate? Certainly, I would only add more tension and confusion to an already heated situation. Did I think that people might view me differently if I said something? Or perhaps, did I think that any indication of my supporting the motion would jeopardize funding for my own event? Sadly, all of my worries were genuine.

I should have said something. Why? Perhaps you're in need of a second opinion, so let's consult one of the experts.

"Nonviolent direct actions seeks to create such a crisis and foster such tension that a community which has constantly refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue…I am not afraid of the word tension. I have earnestly opposed violent tension, but there is a type of constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth…."

The words of a young civil rights activist and preacher who, despite his circumstances, found a way to make the most of his night spent in a Birmingham jail.

If tension is something we should embrace and not run away from, if it provides us with opportunities for growth, and if this tension, is in fact as good as this young preacher claims, why do we shy away from it?   

Why do we sit silently?   

Far too often, I find myself playing the role of the silent observer when I know should speak up and make a valuable contribution. Even when I fear my opinion may be divisive, or even self-destructive, I have to remind myself that this is an opportunity to inform, an opportunity to influence minds. It's an opportunity that I sometimes take advantage of, but far too often, I do not. What is the origin of this doubt and hesitation? I hold myself accountable for my actions (or the lack there of) that night, but I don't think I'm alone. As painful as speaking up may be, the disappointment of silence and not knowing what difference I could have made is far worse.   

Shabazz or no Shabazz…Shabazz is not the issue. I should have sa---

Reality Check.

I suppose even after thoroughly reading what I've just written, someone could try to make something out of it. I guess what I'm trying to say is: it's coming; the adversity, the impossible feat of pleasing everyone, the people who will try to tear you down and reverse engineer your lemonade into lemons. In small, seemingly unimportant ways and in monumental, life changing ways, it's coming. You just have to decide that your input is valuable and worth sharing. Sometimes, you have to be your own cheerleader.  

Be encouraged. Your anguish is a good sign. It means you're still alive, breathing and kicking, and you haven't sold out ... yet. Apparently, there are still a few things worth fighting for.

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